Thursday, October 27, 2005
sometimes, when i have quiet time to myself, i cant help but think about you
-looks sadly at the floor-
its not why we cant be together.. its... why do you still mean so much to me?
never has someone meant this much to me, except for my late grandfather, whose importance i myself question.
i cant remember a lot of stuff, not even my classmates from sec 2. but i can still remember seeing myself from a 3rd person perspective, in a blue dress with my hair tied up in 2 pigtails,
standing on the balcony the day he died
as i was only about 5 years old, i didnt know what death meant.
but i happened to glance up into the velvet sky, and i saw a whole bunch of stars
and there was this one pretty star that was glowing, and i could swear, talking to me, winking goodbye, saying i love you...
and thats about it. i dont have any other memory of my childhood.
as for my teenage life, the only memory i have is those of you, whose scenes play back as vivid as they were when they actually happened.
i can still feel all the emotions clearly. but weirdly enough, i cant remember anything else. its like, im so empty if it werent for those 2 beautiful memories firmly etched onto my broken soul
i can still remember you once told me that if i want to, i can do anything i want
i can still remember the way you looked and smelt
i can still remember you told me not to fall for you
and i can still remember that, the day we went separate ways, a became a hopeless wanderer
trying to find a new meaning to life
so far, i think im still in the early stages of the very same quest you embarked on
but i feel very tired, im jaded
but. i still look up to you as my mentor, my teacher, my world, my love
i ll love you, till my dying day, till the day there is no more hate, no more fighting...
till today, i cant figure out what the star was trying to say, but i suppose, i ll live on to find out that. it kinda means a lot to me, like, im dying to know but i dont know where to start or how to
i just know that if my grandpa was still alive, things wouldnt be like this, but hte thing is i know he ll be upset if he knew my life came to be like that...
3:18 PM
